Let me be upfront: none of my cats are exactly candidates for kitty mensa. Sweet and adorable, yes. Geniuses, no. It took them months to figure out that the cat flap onto the screened-in porch opened in both directions. But poor Agatha is probably the dumbest pet I’ve ever had, including the goldfish I had when I was five.

There is nothing going on behind those eyes. Trust me.

While “five second memory” is just a myth when it comes to goldfish (thanks, Mythbusters!), I’m not sure that’s the case with poor, sweet Agatha. We have a small bathroom at one end of the house, which Agatha is obsessed with. Or, rather, she’s obsessed with the door. Here is a typical day for her:

Lalala, oh look, I think I’ll go in this room.

Oh wow, the door is really cool from this side! I think I’ll stand on my hind legs and put my front feet on it!

OH NO IT CLOSED, WHAT SORT OF CUNNING TRAP IS THIS?!

Cue frantic “help, help, help!” meows from behind the shut door.

The first time when I let her out, I thought she’d learn and not do it again. After a week of daily repetitions, I told myself that surely, surely she would eventually connect pushing on the door with it closing and locking herself in.

Eventually, I gave up and bought a door stop.

At least she’s cute.